The existence of this 21 stages of narcissistic relationship serves as an early indication of the intricate and dramatic journey that lies ahead. Identifying Stages of Narcissistic Relationship can be challenging, but the empath’s compassionate nature and devoted demeanor quickly become apparent.
Empath Meaning: a person highly attuned to the feelings and emotions of those around them.
So when I use the word “Empath” in this article, I believe you already have the idea of what it means.
The connection between an empath and a narcissist forms a hazardous emotional situation, akin to a hazmat scenario where no first responder can provide a quick fix.
While every relationship naturally falls into patterns after the initial excitement, the narcissist strategically works to gradually break down any success or topic focused on the empath.
Narcissistic traits span a spectrum, and those on the extreme end may lack the capacity for self-reflection or admitting the need for help. If you find yourself in a relationship with such an individual, it’s likely in your best interest to cut your losses.
Describing a narcissist as a bucket with a perpetual hole, the analogy suggests that no amount of effort can fill it up. However, when self-love spills over, and narcissism begins to hinder relationships, it becomes a perilous situation. See my previous post on Things to Know About Narcissistic Abuse in a Relationship
What unfolds when a narcissist attracts an empath is explored in detail in this article, with a special emphasis on the 21 stages of a narcissistic relationship.
21 Stages of Narcissistic Relationship
Stage 1: Idealization
At the outset, a narcissistic relationship begins with the idealization phase. The narcissist lavishes their partner with overwhelming attention, compliments, and gifts, creating an intense emotional connection.
The narcissist works very hard in this initial stage to attract the empath and keep them interested.
If the empath wants to resist the attraction, they might remind themselves that if something seems too good to be true, it probably is. If they scratch beneath the surface, they’ll see that the narcissist’s appearance is deceiving.
The narcissist needs the empath because they are so giving, compassionate, and caring—basically, everything a narcissist is not
Stage 2: Love-Bombing
This phase serves as a pivotal moment in the narcissistic relationship, acting as a powerful tool for the narcissist to gain control and foster a sense of loyalty from their partner.
During this stage, the initial phase of the relationship evolves into a more intense experience known as love-bombing, a tactic employed by the narcissist to overwhelm their partner with an onslaught of affectionate gestures and declarations of love.
This deliberate strategy is designed to create a profound sense of being cherished and uniquely special in the eyes of the narcissist.
- As the relationship progresses into this heightened phase, the narcissist intensifies their efforts to captivate and ensnare their partner emotionally.
Love-bombing entails a calculated and lavish display of romantic gestures, extravagant gifts, and verbal affirmations of love, creating an environment where the partner feels an unprecedented level of adoration and significance.
The narcissist skillfully crafts an illusion of an idealized connection during the love-bombing stage, showering their partner with attention and devotion.
This deliberate emotional bombardment is meant to create an emotional dependency, as the partner becomes increasingly enamored with the overwhelming expressions of love and affection.
Under the spell of love-bombing, the partner may feel as though they have found an extraordinary connection, with the narcissist catering to their deepest emotional needs and desires.
In essence, love-bombing transforms the dynamics of the relationship into a seemingly idyllic romance, masking the underlying motives of the narcissist. It is a manipulative strategy aimed at establishing a strong emotional foothold, ultimately paving the way for the subsequent stages of the narcissistic relationship.
Stage 3: Charm and Charisma
In this Stages of Narcissistic Relationship, the narcissist unveils an extraordinary allure, skillfully wielding magnetic qualities that render them seemingly irresistible to their partner. This stage serves as a captivating overture where the narcissist strategically deploys their charismatic arsenal to draw their unsuspecting partner into an enchanting web of fascination.
- With unparalleled charm, the narcissist effortlessly exudes a magnetic aura that becomes a potent force of attraction.
- Their words are laced with charisma, and their actions are meticulously designed to leave an indelible impression.
- The partner, caught in the enchanting spell of the narcissist, finds themselves irresistibly drawn to the captivating persona that unfolds during this phase.
During this stage, the narcissist becomes a masterful storyteller, weaving narratives that appeal to the partner’s emotions and desires.
Their wit, charm, and a seemingly innate ability to connect on a deep level contribute to the creation of an illusionary world where the partner is enraptured by the narcissist’s magnetic allure.
The partner may feel a sense of privilege and exclusivity, as the narcissist directs their charm exclusively towards them.
The charismatic gestures and expressions become a form of psychological seduction, as the partner becomes entranced by the unique and alluring qualities that the narcissist projects.
As the charm and charisma stage unfolds, the partner may find it challenging to resist the gravitational pull exerted by the narcissist.
The carefully orchestrated dance of charm and allure establishes a dynamic where the partner feels a heightened sense of connection and attraction, setting the stage for the narcissist’s subsequent maneuvers in the intricate choreography of the narcissistic relationship.
Stage 4: Emotional Manipulation
As the stages of narcissistic relationship progresses, a subtle yet insidious undercurrent emerges as the narcissist introduces the element of emotional manipulation into the dynamic.
This marks a pivotal juncture where the narcissist, driven by their inherent need for control, strategically endeavors to shape the narrative and exert influence over their partner’s emotions.
The art of subtle emotional manipulation becomes a tool wielded by the narcissist to orchestrate the unfolding story of the relationship.
Craftily, they navigate the emotional landscape, subtly directing the course of interactions and reactions to align with their desires.
This calculated maneuvering is designed to create a psychological atmosphere where the partner unwittingly becomes entangled in the narrative carefully constructed by the narcissist.
- Emotional manipulation is introduced by the narcissist as the relationship progresses, marking a pivotal juncture driven by their inherent need for control.
- Subtle emotional manipulation serves as a tool for the narcissist to craftily shape the narrative of the relationship, directing interactions and reactions to align with their desires.
- A variety of tactics, including subtle gaslighting, selective disclosure of information, and distortion of reality, are employed by the narcissist to control the narrative and influence the partner’s perceptions and emotions.
- The narcissist strategically utilizes compliments, criticism, and calculated displays of vulnerability or dominance to maintain control over the partner’s emotional responses.
- As emotional manipulation takes hold, the partner may experience confusion, questioning their own perceptions and emotional reactions, while the subtle nature of these tactics makes it challenging for them to identify the manipulation, reinforcing the narcissist’s hold over the relationship’s emotional landscape.
In this phase, the narcissist may employ a range of tactics, such as subtle gaslighting, selective disclosure of information, and the artful distortion of reality.
By skillfully controlling the narrative, they endeavor to shape the partner’s perceptions and emotions in a way that aligns with their own agenda.
The partner, often unaware of the manipulation at play, may find themselves gradually succumbing to the emotional currents orchestrated by the narcissist.
In essence, this phase represents a strategic move by the narcissist to establish dominance, laying the groundwork for the more pronounced manipulations that unfold in the intricate stages of the narcissistic relationship.
Stage 5: Gaslighting
Gaslighting emerges as a manipulative tactic, causing the partner to doubt their own perceptions and question the reality of the relationship.
Narcissists are typically very careful about what information they do and do not share. They carefully craft their narrative so that they look like the hero and the empath looks like the one who is to blame for all of the problems in the relationship.
If only the empath weren’t so sensitive, everything would be fine. The narcissist gaslights the empath so they believe their thoughts and feelings are wrong.
- The empath knows they’re highly sensitive, so this plays into their own deeply held insecurities about themselves.
- Because the things the narcissist say hold a grain of truth for the empath, they’re more inclined to believe them.
Reaching out to trusted friends and family members at this stage can help the empath realize that the narcissist is feeding them a false narrative. This support and validation can empower them to leave the relationship.
Stage 6: Isolation
The narcissist initiates isolation, strategically distancing the partner from their support networks, creating a sense of dependency on the narcissist.
- Initiation of Isolation: The narcissist takes deliberate action to isolate the partner from their support networks.
- Strategic Distancing: The isolation is not accidental; it is carefully planned and executed by the narcissist.
- Creation of Dependency: The intended outcome is to foster a sense of dependency on the narcissist.
- Undermining Support Systems: The narcissist works to erode the partner’s connections outside the relationship.
- Manipulative Control: This tactic serves as a means for the narcissist to exert manipulative control over the partner’s social and emotional environment.
If you sense a deliberate effort to isolate you, trust your instincts. Pay attention to any feelings of discomfort or unease and consider seeking guidance from trusted friends or family members.
Stage 7: Devaluation
The initial idealization abruptly transforms into devaluation, with the narcissist subjecting their partner to criticism, belittlement, and a diminishing of their worth.
This is where the narcissist’s true colors start to appear. They start small, making little critical comments to the empath here and there—they might even pass them off as jokes.
But gradually, these comments become more and more serious, and critical, and wear away at the empath’s confidence.
For example, the narcissist might criticize the way the empath dresses when they go out to dinner and say the empath has no sense of style. The more they repeat similar comments, the less confident the empath will be about how they dress.
If, at this point, the empath sets boundaries and refuses to internalize the projected feelings of the narcissist, the relationship would likely come to a natural end.
An empath with codependent tendencies may be unwilling or unable to set boundaries because they’re worried about displeasing the narcissist.
Stage 8: Silent Treatment
Employing the silent treatment becomes a common control tactic, leaving the partner feeling confused, emotionally distressed, and desperate for the narcissist’s attention.
- Silent Treatment as Control Tactic: The narcissist utilizes the silent treatment as a frequent method of control within the relationship.
- Confusion and Emotional Distress: This tactic leaves the partner in a state of confusion and emotional distress, as they grapple with the sudden withdrawal of communication and attention.
- Desperation for Attention: The intentional silence creates a sense of desperation within the partner, fueling a desire for the narcissist’s attention and validation.
- Psychological Impact: The silent treatment has a profound psychological impact, fostering feelings of rejection, isolation, and inadequacy in the partner.
Foster open communication in the relationship. Encourage dialogue about feelings, concerns, and expectations, creating an environment where both partners feel heard and valued. This can disrupt the power dynamic associated with the silent treatment and promote healthier ways of addressing issues.
Stage 9: Triangulation
Triangulation ensues, where the narcissist introduces a third party into the dynamics, fostering jealousy and competition to further manipulate emotions.
- Triangulation as Manipulative Tactic: The narcissist employs triangulation as a deliberate strategy, involving a third party to manipulate the dynamics of the relationship.
- Introduction of a Third Party: This involves the narcissist bringing in another individual, often to create jealousy and competition between the partner and this third party.
- Fostering Jealousy and Competition: The primary aim of triangulation is to instill feelings of jealousy and competition within the partner, creating emotional turmoil.
- Manipulation of Emotions: Triangulation serves as a powerful tool for the narcissist to manipulate the emotional responses of the partner, destabilizing the relationship dynamics.
Focus on building and maintaining your self-confidence. A strong sense of self-worth can serve as a buffer against the emotional impact of triangulation.
Remind yourself of your value and resist being drawn into a competition orchestrated by the narcissist. This can disrupt the intended effects of triangulation and empower you in the face of manipulation.
Stage 10: Hoovering
Following a period of devaluation, the narcissist may attempt to “hoover” the partner back into the relationship, offering false promises of change and reconciliation.
- Devaluation Precedes “Hoovering”: The narcissist initiates a phase of devaluation, where they diminish the partner’s worth and contributions within the relationship.
- Hoovering” as Reconciliation Attempt: After devaluation, the narcissist employs “hoovering” as a tactic to draw the partner back, offering deceptive promises of change and reconciliation.
- False Promises and Appearances: “Hoovering” involves the narcissist presenting an altered, appealing version of themselves, making false promises and creating an illusion of positive change.
- Rekindling False Hope: The primary aim of “hoovering” is to rekindle false hope in the partner, enticing them to return to the relationship with the belief that positive changes are imminent.
Establish and enforce clear boundaries during the “hoovering” phase. Clearly communicate your expectations and evaluate the narcissist’s actions rather than their words.
This empowers you to make informed decisions about the potential for genuine change and guards against falling into the same detrimental patterns.
Stage 11: Discarding
Ultimately, the narcissist discards their partner callously, often without remorse or empathy, leaving the partner emotionally shattered and abandoned.
- Callous Discard: The culmination of the narcissistic relationship involves a callous and heartless discard by the narcissist.
- Absence of Remorse or Empathy: Often, the discard is executed without any display of remorse or empathy by the narcissist, exacerbating the emotional toll on the partner.
- Emotional Shattering: The partner is left emotionally shattered as the narcissist abruptly terminates the relationship, inflicting deep emotional wounds.
- Abandonment as a Result: The discard leaves the partner with a profound sense of abandonment, intensifying the emotional distress caused by the narcissistic behavior.
Your focus should be on prioritizing self-healing after the discard. Seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to navigate the emotional aftermath.
Developing coping mechanisms and rebuilding emotional resilience is crucial for moving forward positively.
Stage 12: Victimhood
Playing the victim card becomes a common tactic for the narcissist, deflecting blame onto the partner and avoiding any accountability for the failed relationship.
- Playing the Victim Card: The narcissist adopts a victim stance, deflecting blame onto the partner and avoiding accountability.
- Lack of Accountability: There’s a notable absence of accountability as the narcissist refuses to acknowledge their role in the relationship’s failure.
Establish clear boundaries to prevent being manipulated by the victimhood tactic. Maintain a firm stance on holding both partners accountable for their actions, fostering healthier communication.
Stage 13: Smear Campaign
A smear campaign may be launched as the narcissist attempts to tarnish the partner’s reputation, seeking sympathy and support from others.
- Tarnishing Reputation: The narcissist launches a smear campaign to tarnish the partner’s reputation and gain sympathy from others.
- Seeking External Support: Partners should seek external support and maintain open communication to counteract the potential damage caused by the smear campaign.
Keep records of interactions and communications to counteract false narratives. Documentation can serve as evidence against baseless accusations.
Stage 14: Replacing
Swiftly replacing the discarded partner with a new one is a recurring pattern in narcissistic relationships, as the cycle begins anew.
- Swift Replacement: The narcissist quickly replaces the discarded partner, perpetuating a cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard.
- Focus on Self-Worth: For the discarded partner, focus on rebuilding self-worth and recognizing the pattern of replacement is a reflection of the narcissist’s behavior, not their own inadequacy.
Take time for self-reflection to understand personal needs and break free from the cycle. Seek support to avoid entering similar relationships.
Stage 15: Honeymoon Phase (with a new partner)
The narcissist initiates a new idealization phase with a fresh partner, repeating the same patterns and dynamics seen in previous relationships.
- New Idealization Phase: The narcissist initiates a new idealization phase with a fresh partner, repeating established patterns.
- Recognize Patterns: If you’re the new partner, be vigilant in recognizing early signs of idealization and maintain a balanced perspective.
Foster open communication with your partner about expectations and experiences, promoting a healthier relationship dynamic.
Stage 16: Control Escalation
Control tactics intensify in the renewed relationship, with the narcissist becoming increasingly possessive and demanding, further manipulating their partner.
- Intensifying Control Tactics: The narcissist becomes increasingly possessive and demanding, escalating control tactics.
- Assert Independence: Partners should assert their independence and set clear boundaries to resist manipulation.
If control tactics intensify, seek guidance from a mental health professional to develop strategies for maintaining autonomy.
Stage 17: Financial Control
Exerting financial control is another tactic employed by narcissists, limiting the partner’s access to resources and financial independence.
- Exerting Financial Control: Narcissists limit access to resources, exerting financial control.
- Financial Independence: Partners should prioritize financial independence and establish separate financial accounts where possible.
Seek financial advice to develop a strategic plan for maintaining independence and safeguarding resources.
Stage 18: Verbal and Emotional Abuse
Verbal and emotional abuse escalate, systematically eroding the partner’s self-esteem, confidence, and mental well-being.
- Escalation of Abuse: Verbal and emotional abuse systematically erodes the partner’s self-esteem and mental well-being.
- Self-Care and Support: Prioritize self-care and seek support from friends, family, or professionals to cope with the emotional toll.
Identify and create safe spaces where you can seek refuge from verbal and emotional abuse, fostering mental well-being.
Stage 19: Threats and Intimidation
The narcissist may resort to threats and intimidation as a means of maintaining dominance and control over their partner.
- Resorting to Threats: The narcissist may resort to threats as a means of maintaining dominance.
- Safety Planning: Prioritize personal safety and, if necessary, develop a safety plan with the help of professionals or support networks.
Consult with legal professionals to understand rights and explore avenues for protection in the face of threats.
Stage 20: Isolation Redux
The narcissist intensifies efforts to isolate the partner, eliminating any external support or influence that could challenge their control over the relationship.
- Intensified Isolation Efforts: The narcissist increases efforts to isolate the partner, eliminating external support.
- Strengthen External Connections: Actively strengthen connections outside the relationship to counteract isolation efforts.
Engage in group activities or pursue individual interests to maintain a network beyond the relationship.
Stage 21: End Game
The relationship reaches its breaking point, often culminating in a dramatic
- Culmination in a Confrontation: The relationship reaches a breaking point, often culminating in a dramatic confrontation or final discard.
- Focus on Recovery: After the end game, prioritize emotional recovery through therapy, support groups, or counseling.
Use this stage as an opportunity to establish and reinforce healthy boundaries in future relationships, learning from the experiences of the narcissistic dynamic.
IN CONCLUSION
Comprehending these stages of narcissistic relationship, is crucial for individuals to recognize the patterns and dynamics of a narcissistic relationship, enabling them to break free from the destructive cycle and prioritize their well-being.
Learn about narcissistic behavior and manipulation tactics. Understanding what you are dealing with can empower you to make informed decisions and take steps to protect yourself.
Keep a record of any patterns of isolation or manipulation you observe. This documentation can serve as evidence if you ever need to seek legal or professional assistance.
If the isolation tactics persist and have a detrimental impact on your mental and emotional well-being, consider whether the relationship is healthy for you. In some cases, exiting the relationship may be the best option for your long-term happiness and safety.
